Stormy Weather (or, How I learned to stop worrying about Tornadoes and learned to love the Weather Coverage)

 So, it's Tuesday, April 26th, and the state of Oklahoma is currently at "Defcon 2" due to the threat of Severe storms, Tornadoes, Grapefruit-sized hail, etc... Seasoned residents of our state are taking necessary precautions... stocking up on flashlight batteries, food, etc... as well as pre-positioning stockpiles of alcohol and lawn chairs for the obligatory neighborhood "tornado watch party" (look for your invite on Facebook later today!).

  While severe weather is to be taken seriously, its hard sometimes to not be amused by how hardcore local TV stations and storm chasers take these events... They all are trying to outdo each other with technology, armored chaser vehicles, and helicopters that follow the storms all the way from the Texas panhandle to SE Missouri, landing only to refuel.

 Several years ago, the absurdity of the coverage coalesced into what has become known as the "Gary England Severe Weather Drinking Game." (Gary was the longtime Chief Meteorologist for News 9 in Oklahoma City, OK, and retired a couple of years back...) Although Gary isn't on the air anymore, his game lives on. (Feel free to substitute your own weather personalities for Gary and customize for your area. All the references contained are actual locations/people/sayings that we in Oklahoma recognize from News 9 instantly when severe weather threatens. Here are the rules:

 Gary England Drinking Game

 

Pregame

1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Castor. Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink. Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser. Take four drinks if your storm chaser says "tornado on the ground." 2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County. Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink. Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county. Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.

One drink

1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:

"Hook echo" | "Updraft" | "Metro" | "Doppler radar" | "Wall cloud" | "Ranger 9" | "Underground" | "Mobile home" 2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list.
3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program. Take one drink if Gary says "You're not missing any of [program name]." Take one drink when Gary says "We'll keep you advised."

Two drinks

1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:

"Baseball-sized hail" | "Waterloo Road" | "Pottawatomie County" | "Deer Creek High School" 2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:

• Altus
• Burns Flat
• Dill City
• Gotebo
• Hydro
• Lookeba
• Meeker
• Mulhall
• Oktaha
• Olustee
• Shattuck
• Slaughterville
• Tryon
• Vici
• Waukomis
• Wayne (or Payne)
• Weleetka
• Wetumkah

3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Castor.

Three drinks

1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Castor.2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.
3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:

• "Immediate tornado precautions"
• "National Weather Service"
• "Mesocyclone"
• "Portable Radio"
• "Take shelter"
• "Tornado warning in effect until ..."

Four drinks

1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel. 2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS or says the following:

"Will someone please answer that phone?" | "Do you see power flashes?" 3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed.

Finish your drink

1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the nearest cross streets to you. 2. If Gary says "We've lost Val," pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink.

   Don't forget, this IS Oklahoma... so we can't rule out wildfires, more earthquakes, or an occasional loose TIGER this afternoon and evening as well...   

 Be safe today and tonight and we'll recap soon.